Checking in for a brief (who am I kidding?) recap of the past 10 days.

The end of July was a bit rocky, challenging and stressful but August brought in a new dawn. With each passing day, I feel more like myself and in flow with the current tasks, confident that they will get handled in due time and that all that is required for their completion will be provided. If time has proven one thing it is that I always figure things out and, in doing do, I am always guided and protected. A handful of great things have happened since my last entry.

For starter, I got news on August 2nd that my divorce was finalized.  The knowing that I am no longer legally bound to a sketchy and obscure individual has brought a lot of comfort. It prompted the thought that ritualized celebration around divorce should be normalized. If beginnings are commemorated, endings should as well. Especially when a commitment has caused great suffering. My belief is that the termination of such duplicitous commitments ought to not only be acknowledged, but also revered, as it constitutes an act of sovereignty which consciously calls for a new beginning. Anyhow, that was a big day for me. You bet I celebrated with a wake, bake, and shake it dance session. It felt GOOD - so good. It sure helps with turning the page. Coincidentally, the night before I got word that the court documents were in, signifying that my divorce was official, I had a particularly vivid dream which stuck with me. That’s what I’m most interested in talking about as I’ve been dissecting it since. Interestingly enough, I haven’t been able to recall my dreams in a quite a while although I’ve kept a journal near my bed. This time was different. I was at a gala party with heaps of people dressed in formal attire - a fancy affair. I was accompanied by a friend I had never seen in real life but seemed to know very well in my dream. The event was being held at someone’s estate. It wasn’t a public establishment. As my friend and I walked up the stairs to merge with a group of people either she or myself knew, I screamed with pain. Something had gotten inside my shoe and stuck in my foot. I grabbed a hold of the railing beside me, slipped out of my right show and looked beneath my foot; something was lodged in there. I looked closer and noticed it was a perfectly shaped iridescent hexagonal pyramid cutting through the flesh, about an inch deep in the middle of my foot. I instinctively tried to pull it out with my fingers but it only resulted in me pushing it further in which then freaked me out. I let go of it and put my foot down, begging for my friend to pull it out. She drew nearer to take a look. I lifted my foot again and realized that although that big rock had been pushed deep inside my foot, making room around its angular top part for blood to gush out, no blood was coming out. The wound was thoroughly dry. No swelling. No redness. No sign of trauma whatsoever. It was just my foot with this perfect crystal like foreign object set exactly at the center of it. Still, I was afraid to pull it out. It would certainly hurt like hell? Would it not? Soon, I realized I only felt a sharp pain upon noticing it was in my foot. As I debated over taking it out, the pain itself was gone. My friend looked at me with a look of horror. She wasn’t going to do it. I needed to. I closed my eyes, took a deep breathe… And then I woke up. The clock was about to hit 4:44. I rose out of bed feeling a sharp pain in my right foot. I got up, walked over to my dresser to grab something and could still feel as if something was tuck in my foot. Of course, nothing was happening. I knew it. The mind is mighty powerful like that. I grabbed my phone and proceeded with researching the symbology of all the noteworthy aspects revealed to me in my dream. I also spent some time meditating on it with pure intentions, asking that the meaning of my dream be conferred on me with clarity. Here is what I gathered. Broken glass cutting through skin is widely interpreted as unprocessed trauma. Here, however, the glass wasn’t broken. In fact, it was perfectly shaped and preserved - fully intact. As you’d imagine, right and left have different connotations attached to them and the right foot is believed to signal a current situation preventing the dreamer from moving forward and achieving their goals. On Quora, someone asked: I had a dream (nightmare) that I somehow stepped on large pieces of broken glass. The glass shards were large and stuck in my foot snug so that when I pulled even slightly, blood would come out gushing.” Here is what someone had to say about it: “There was some major setback on your life path recently, and there is no visible escape - like if you remove the glass, you’ll die from blood loss - symbolically… It seems you need outside help - like in the stepping on glass shards situation, you would need to be taken to the emergency room, right? So you need something like that to rescue you in real life - might be professional help - a therapist, divorce attorney, financial consultant, etc - to remedy the bad situation you are in. Do not be shy to ask for help as it is too overwhelming for you to be bare alone.” I also reckoned that broken glass may symbolize negativity, unfulfilled promises, wasted dreams and disappointment in life - it may symbolize a broken heart / an emotional relationship that has ended, emotional pain we experience in life or the obstacles in our way in some aspects of life. The gag is; the glass wasn’t broken or scratched up one bit. I went on to research the symbolism of cones: celebration (as in the shape of a party hat) and abundance (as in the shape of a cornucopia). Okay, noted. What about the hexagon? The hexagon is the universal average and has the best torque for mechanical engineering. Every polygon has an equilateral form, with the angles equally divided and congruent, but the hexagon is different. If you add any more sides to a hexagon, it’s more circular than polygonal. if you subtract any more sides, it’s more polygonal than circular. This fact only resonates with on such a deep level that I feel I could write a dissertation on the association between hexagonal shapes and my dual approach to existentialism and all the things that make up my human experience, but I digress. What this means is that hexagons create best possible torques, hence why this shape is used in nuts or the joints of pipes. Circles are the shape with all points equally distant from the center, perfectly symmetrical from all angles, most symmetrically load and stress. So between a three-sided polygon, and an infinite-sided shape (a circle), the six-sided hexagon is the exact middle compromise. This is also why hexagons are structurally stable - their regularity and evenness of shape allows them to repeat, and their near-circularity allows maximum load distribution. Fun fact: a massive 6 sided shape hexagonal storm large enough to fit the planet Earth can be found on the north pole of Saturn. Saturn just so happen to be the 6th planet from the Sun and is the Roman god of law enforcement, discipline, order and structure, as the planet symbolized in astrology as well and its notable that such a clearly delineated structure appears on its surface made of all things air + gas. Because space and time are closely related, time is needed to instantiate anything as real at all. The hexagon’s perfect compromise between polygonality and circularity also implies something radical about the nature of time itself; its inherently contains a rhythm of its own interruption - time’s segmentation versus time’s flow. That’s another thematic I’d happily run with and write a dissertation about. Here’s something for you to think about: “The hexagon’s compromise between polygonality and circularity symbolizes the seasonal compromise and alternation between time flowing and time abolishing itself, built into the nature and rhythm of time itself. And yet, time exists in painful quantifiable increments much of the time which are absolutely necessary to make us appreciate the party-times when time is abolished. This necessary alternation between imprisonment and liberation is nature of time. Thus the hexagon represents time.” Mmmm… Okay. The hexagon’s nearness to circularity while still possessing angles make it all the more emblematic for it is a collection of lines, angles, blank and filled space with a usual appearance in equilateral, symmetrical form which suggests a humanely relatable touch. It is aesthetic. It is geometric. It is orderly. It is, as I understand it, a nexus at which matter and consciousness converge and intersect.When it comes to the color of what I’m tempted to refer to as a perfectly carved crystal, I had a great feeling from the jump but I still needed confirmation for what my intuition was telling me. Positively speaking, dreaming of iridescent colors represents cleanliness, beauty and angelic activity. Iridescent colors are often attached to the Holy spirit, God or the Heavens, indicating a heavenly presence in the dreamer’s life. Negatively speaking, dreaming of iridescent colors could represent enchantment or enticement, indicating that the enemy is going to tempt / test the dreamer. Iridescent colors are luminous colors that seem to change when seen from different angles. Taking into consideration what showed up in my dreams, in what context in showed up and how I felt toward it, I perceive this dream as an excellent omen and one I was meant to remember upon waking up. Sometimes, there is more fear surrounding a call to action than the action itself. My first reaction was to call for help, hoping that someone would come to my rescue and take the pain away although it turned out that I was perfectly capable of doing that for myself. I was afraid of blood gushing out and me making a mess at the party or not being able to handle the release but none of those fears were real and the wound was clean as a whistle - I was magically not bleeding and the tissue around the punctured skin has suffered no damage or trauma whatsoever. The crystal was set in as if it belonged there, not impairing anything around it - simply asking to be felt, seen and collected. I felt pain, but it was not nearly as bad as it looked. It was simply signaling where my attention needed to go in order to notice the crystal. The pain was mostly a byproduct of discomfort. As soon as I got comfortable with the idea of assisting / rescuing / healing myself, I embraced the perceived amount of pain I anticipated to feel which conversely caused for the actual pain to fade away - I was ready to pull it out. I knew it was the right thing to do. I knew I was going to be okay. After all, I had flipped my own finger backward into place, soothe myself for months and healed from the injuries on my own, without medical assistance or prescription drugs. Why wouldn’t I trust me to take care of me even when largely unbriefed and unprepared on what to do. I fully trust me with me. Like I said, damage and losses may occur along the way but I trust myself to figure things out. Thanking my younger self and the universe for putting me through all these tests so that I could get a real sense of what I was made of. Until recently, I had no clue I had this much fire in me. Getting to know me has been a marvelous journey. As I grow I continue to surprise. Perhaps it isn’t so much getting to know myself as it is getting reintroduced to myself as each shift in consciousness is achieved, which happens at a drastically higher rate these days. I feel things clicking and being integrated weekly, new perspectives and patterns forming, news way of thinking and interfacing with the world around me. I’m quite literally not the same person I was last week, if not yesterday. On this crazy ride earthside, I am constantly reminded that I am divinely guided and protected. The answers are within. This dream was but a confirmation of a general sentiment towards a number of things I’ve had to confront lately. I was right to follow my intuition - I’ve done right by me and it has felt so liberating. I’ve rested a lot over the past week to recover from the aftermath of processing and releasing so much heaviness. I needed a lot of sleep. As always, my housemates blessed me with incredibly delicious and nutritious meals. Maya has been her whiny extra sweet self and Rio has finally given up on escaping the yard to explore the neighborhood at his leisure. Little dude doesn’t like his privileges revoked. He watched Maya going outside unsupervised for a couple of weeks while his time spent outdoors was regimented and he drew his own conclusion. I also sealed every hole pretty tightly and it seems to work well for now. Either way, Ri has been irreproachable. Maya was in heat recently and the two of them were wilding out. They are such a solid team. I don’t know what I’d do without these bugs. Watching them interact fills me up with so much joy. We have conversations and I swear they understand - it’s hilarious! My friend A has been wonderful to me. She texts me mantras and words of affirmations every morning. On top of checkin on me daily, she regularly invites me to hikes, yoga and tai chi classes. I’ve been very self focused lately, often denying or cancelling them last minutes so I could rest or tackle something on my to do list. I’ve had to apologize to her and renew my promise of being more present as a friend in A’s life but what I appreciate her so much for is her capacity for listening, empathizing and genuinely holding space. She understands. She’s been there. She gets it. We can have mature and honest conversations about any topic and there is never any friction or judgement involved in the equation. She gives me all the time I require, letting me know that she’s never too far away. That’s a love I treasure - I’m truly grateful to have met her. Another thing I’m excited to report is my first location rental booking! The day after I had this symbolic dream and then got news that my divorce was finalized, I confirmed my first location rental booking in my new spot! 5 hours at $300 / per hour; that’s not bad heh? Hello, second stream of income - what’s up? I’ve been waiting for you! More than ready to manifest… Gosh, I’m so happy for that hustle to finally kick in. In July, I had skipped a request to book and missed on a grand because I was too overwhelmed to deal with a medium size crew and was in the midst of swapping the living room set up. This time, I’m ready, and the project is super streamlined. It’s going to be an easy one. All I have to do is be my fine self and ensure that the crew has a fantastic experience. There are two to four more streams of income I’m looking to add to my portfolio by the end of the year and I’ve got a lot of work to do to make that happen but this one is a victory as it is practically passive. There’s really not much work involved and each project is different, bringing in an element of surprise and discovery. Perhaps one day I could teach people with limited resources how to generate income in LA. I was breaking down my furniture flipping business and location rental business with V this afternoon and he was super interested. I feel people out there could benefit from understanding how these niches work. Anyhow, if I could get just 4 bookings per months, which I believe is a reasonable target then I’d be straight. M landlord and I are in excellent terms. Her space is well cared for. There is mutual trust. I get to be in charge of my time and use it to serve me and my wellbeing. Growing grass in the front yard has been a struggle but we’re not ready to quit just yet. With patience, I think we’ll get there. V is as determined as I am about turning the soil green. Today we ordered a ton of Indian treats I’ve never tried before. They were all popular street food items that do not appear on the menu of your typical Indian restaurant. Fuckkk… I can’t recall any of the names but everything was so damn good! It rocked my world - no kidding. I ate so much that I went to sleep around 6 pm and knocked out all evening. I just woke to journal and take my dogs out to the bathroom. I’m about to light one up and have a snack before I go to sleep. It’s been a great week for furniture flipping and I have meeting for pick ups tomorrow that I need to be sharp for. It’s 1:30 am. My sleep schedule is all out of whack which makes me feel tired in the morning. I need to reset. Other than that, I feel lighter. I feel at peace and back in alignment with myself. I feel less preoccupied and stressed. I feel as though energy is flowing out of my body as it should, as opposed to feeling weighed down and stiff due to trapped stagnant energy - journaling, listening to music, dancing and meditating most certainly have a lot to do with that. I long to get back to painting in the coming week. I also want to crystallize another book or two within the next few days. I’ll try to hit the flea market in the morning if I wake up early enough and V is up for it. I’ve been seeing angel numbers incessantly over the past week. Especially since yesterday. I know what that signifies, at least for me. It has reinforced the feelings that I was on the right path, understanding the assignments given to me, giving myself the time to fulfill each of them, one after the other, without de-prioritizing my healing + rest. It’s been difficult finding and maintaining balance but I’m beginning to feel truly supported and I think I’ve found my flow. All in all, I’m just so thankful for the many blessings in my life. I’m so very proud of all I’ve accomplished this year. Master the art of compartmentalization has done wonder for me. I’ve been my own therapist. I’ve been my own mother and father. I’ve been my own best friend. I’ve been my own sister and brother. I’ve been my own teacher. I’ve been my own student. I’ve been my own lover. I’ve been my own cheerleader. I’ve been my own police. I’ve been my owm marching band. Things are looking up. Spirit and I are in the best of terms. No one can stand in the way of me and blessings other than myself, but we’re not doing that in these parts now - are we? Wow, I am officially divorced though… What a relief! It has been such a long and mournful way home to myself but I can cut the cord - at last. As painful as it got, I wouldn’t change any of it for it also brought about the most exquisite and bewitching transformation I’ve ever consciously witnessed myself go through. I am madly in love with life right now. Although I committed to documenting every aspect of my life post-separation from narc, there are things I’ll keep to myself. I don’t intend to elaborate on the other projects I’m working on. Call it superstitious if you choose to interpret it that way but I’d rather be protective and let time do the explaining as these things are near and dear to my heart. A is coming over for dinner tomorrow and will most likely bring Z over; should be fun! My parents are doing great. They just remodeled the outdoor kitchen in our family home. Life is beautiful. I spoke to them earlier today on a video call. I was picking my afro while talking to them and my dad remarked that I reminded him of Angela Davis in that moment. I laughed with great pride. What a lovely comparison! Last but not least, the killers of Breonna Taylor have been charged and that is worthy of a celebration. Sooner or later, balanced is restored. I am what I am and it is what it is. I steadily make the best of what I have and I’m only getting started. Wait, did I mention that I finally went paperless with my billing statements? You know how sometimes you share territory with bloodthirsty predators so you give away some meat to keep them satiated and content over their find? I left my narc bones to chew on for the past six months, giving him ample time to notify me that he was still receiving my bank statements. As expected, he didn’t. I knew that he was most certainly violating my privacy but allowed it to continue. For one, I often deal in cash which immediately goes out to clear debts. Secondly, I frankly wasn’t making a killing in sales - it was a dry and challenging period. It’s not until late July that things really picked up again for me. It is also when I decided it was time to cut off my narc from one of the last sources of supply. No more juicy insights on my finances simply to get his brain to continuously create stories around my movements and remain busy enough working these stories out in his head than coming up with new treacherous ways to disrupt my life ahead of the delivery of our divorce papers. My public instagram profile and blog are the only points of access I’m leaving behind. No communication will be attempted on my part. The phone numbers on Maya and Rio’s collars have been changed. I can finally go no contact and focus on what’s on the horizon. Man, I think a mushroom trip is in order. Right? Right… Yep, the answer is “absolutely”. Well, a lot of things are in order - I feel. I’m itching to get my leg inked and my septum pierced. I’m itching to invest in at home fitness equipment. I’m itching for a weeklong road trip in nature. I’m itching for a day spent at the beach or by a lake, with the pups and a tasty bottle of wine. One thing at a time. Clearing my debt is top priority. I want to paint more. I want to write more. I want to cook and bake more. To do all the things I want to do I need more time. This is precisely why I’m doing what I’m doing right now. So that I can reclaim my time. So that I can ave more time to travel, paint, write, cook and bake. That is the vision I am manifesting. Establishing the proper foundation is requiring a lot of sacrifices but my only desire is to surrender to divine will for these sacrifices are all for my highest good. I mean, no one has told me that but I’ll gladly tell myself… I’m so fucking proud of how far I’ve come. Humbly so… What a year. I came, saw, conquered and amassed precious knowledge about how to heal from trauma and show up as my most authentic self, while deepening the love I have for Self and all things present in my reality. I’ve got a beautiful mind. I’ve got a resilient body. I’ve got an open heart. I’ve got gorgeous hair, skin and nails. I’ve got fantastic dogs. I’ve got loving parents. I’ve got wonderful friends. I’ve got generous housemates. I’ve got a peaceful home. I’ve got a dependable business partner. I’ve got a skilled lawyer. I’ve got the support of my angels, ascended masters and beloved ancestors. I’ve got the gift of clarity and serenity. I’ve got everything I need to thrive. Outside validation is nice but not necessary. Z did shower me with love in a rather unexpected speech that warmed my heart. It made me feel so appreciated. Damn near made me cry. Happy tears though. Happy tears! These things matter. Tenderness and vulnerability in communication make a world of a difference. It was one of the rare times that I experienced what it must be like to have a friend like me in my corner. His words felt like a glass of fresh spring water. I didn’t know that I needed them until I heard them being said to me. I had to take a deep breath to allow them to pas through me and empower me. That is why I now find it so easy to speak from the heart and let people know how I feel about them, how they’ve inspired me and how much I care / root for them despite how uncomfortable they may feel about such exalted display of affection. I may not always be accessible, but I remain connected and my intention are pure. It meeting you as changed my life in a distinguishable fashion, it doesn’t matter if I met you yesterday, I’m going to tell you so and make sure that you know how much I value you.

PS: I just looked at the clock and it’s 3:33 am - a great place to say goodbye. As you know, there’s plenty more where that came from. 4:17 am now - Oops!

#DivinelyGuided #DivinelyProtected #NewBeginnings #AscensionPath #TakingFlight #NPDAwareness #MultipleStreamsOfPeace #ThankYouMorePlease #WhenDivorceIsSweeterThanMarriage #ShareYourTools #LifeAfterNarc #NarcAbuseSurvivor #DayByDay #GratitudeForAllThatIs #FallBackUp #SelfInquiry #SelfKnowledge #SelfAcceptance #SelfHealing #SelfCare #SelfSoothing #SelfLove #SelfTrust #SelfEngineering #RejectionIsCosmicRedirection #PatienceIsKey #TrustTheProcess #LeadWithHeart #TransmuteMistakesIntoEternalWisdom #SeekAndFind