What she said…

#Polarity #Duality #Multiplicity #NonBinary #TheMiddleWay #LawOfOne

I fell asleep on my laptop last night and when I woke up this morning, my blacked out screen was still open. Facing me was my reflection. I opened my eyes and my first instinct was to smile. I then spent a few minutes scrutinizing my facial expressions, eyebrows, cheekbones, frown lines, nostrils, and so on. It was like getting a taste of what it felt like waking up next to me. I overheard neighbors questioning each other about something and remember wishing they would quiet down. I looked over at Maya. She was sound asleep. Rio made eye contact with me. He was alert but not quite ready to get up. I wasn’t either. I thought of the things I had been visualizing the night before and expressed gratitude for the day ahead. I then grabbed my cellphone and briefly checked my emails - nothing jumped out as important. A text message from my business partner came in to notify me that he was exhausted from putting together a proposal and needed the day to recuperate, asking for our meeting to be postponed. I answered and decided to slide into the arms of Morpheus for a while longer. As I was putting my phone away, Rio walked over and tucked his head in my chest asking for cuddles. I felt immense joy and warmth from bonding with him instead of rushing to the bathroom or being glued to my screen. I no longer put myself under immense pressure to be and stay productive. I don’t feel that I must have good reasons to do nothing.  At times, I sit still because what I need most is rest and I’m more than willing to honor that these days. I laid my head down and looked around me, free of guilt. I wasn’t sleepy though.  I reached for my phone again and pulled up YouTube where I landed on this video covering the life, work and philosophy of Dr Victor Frankl:

I was vaguely familiar with logotherapy but was interested in learning more about the man’s background and personal story. The terminology is self explanatory but what I needed to understand was if and how his own life experience had informed his theory, as I expected it did. I was really moved by his story. Every word spoken in this clip deeply resonates with me and echoes my sentiment. It was powerful to connect with someone else’s truth which I’ve also accepted as mine. Pain can only be transmuted once we surrender to it; acceptance leads to transcendence. My experience with synchronicities is such that over the course of the last two years of my marriage I grew more and more convinced that I had a direct line of communication with the divine. I still do. I feel benevolent spirits were watching over me in that house. I feel I would have died if I hadn’t reconnected with source and found refuge in spiritual teachings to strengthen my foundation and speed up my remembrance of the divinity within me. All roads lead to one universal truth; love is the ultimate currency and the only thing that is real. Love is the answer. Love is the why, the beginning and the end. As Dr. Frankl’s puts is, self actualization is a byproduct of balance and fulfillment, which can be derived from self improvement or service to others. To self actualize isn’t the goal. To lead with and expand in love is the goal. At least it is mine. Frankl’s theory on living encapsulates the essence of my outlook on life. It was no coincidence I was drawn to that particular video. I had gone to sleep meditating on unconditional love and the quest for love that heals and liberates. I woke up with those thoughts in mind and connected with Frankl’s energy across timelines. Every seed planted with integrity, care and intentions to be released into the world carries the potential of transforming into nourishment for those who come across it, decades, centuries, and eons later. It is a tragedy for anyone to internalize the false belief that he/she is worthless when we hold such great power as individuals drawing from infinite potential - we are love. I’ve carried Frankl’s image in my mind throughout the day, grateful for the reminder. Later in the day, I realized that all of the tabs on my phone had disappeared. I thought my phone was glitching but then I remembered that desperate to make space in my phone which has been nearing full capacity, I had deleted a bunch of apps, messages, pictures and videos the night before. Unfortunately, I also wiped out all of the datas fro safari, not thinking twice about what it meant for all of the tabs I had been accumulating over the past couple of years. Once it was clear that all of it was gone and there was no retrieving it, I had a brief moment of panic. What about all of the information I had researched and wanted a quick access to? My rational mind quickly intervened to reframe things for me. I could reasonably except to have absorbed and integrated a significant portion of the information I had read; I could count on it to be stored somewhere in my brain and make a reappearance at an opportune moment. Besides, if I really needed the information, i would be called to research it again. There was no need to trip over a hundred and one tabs being gone forever, most of which I was unlikely to really miss. I also realized that about a third of them were linked back to abuse groups and forums relating to behavioral psychology and personality disorders. There pages after pages diving into NPD’s jargon and patterns; things I was holding onto despite it being triggering for me. Had I not lost access to all of my preserved tabs, I probably wouldn’t closed any of those, so there you have it. It set me straight and I was able to let that go very quickly as opposed to stubbornly attempting to move mountains in an effort to recover all of my tabs. It seems my default response would have been to panic a little bit but my highest self doesn’t get down like that. I effortlessly redirected my attention towards something positive. I put my phone down and thought to myself: “Nah Jih.. I know what you’re thinking but, trust me, there is better use of your time right now.”  I was definitely not going to try to lean on photographic memory to reopen as many of the tabs I could remember from swiping through them a million times. So yeah, I let that go - for real. I looked around again, at the pups, the plants, the ceramics, the framed artwork, the light filtering through the blinds… Such a lovely sight. This nest I’ve created from scraps is perfectly fitted for me; it is so me. A direct reflection of my essence, interests, moods and tones. I was lovingly scanning my gorgeous teak bedside table I love so much. It’s a perfect match for the bedroom set I scored on and decided to keep for myself. I instantly fell in love with its stories, its owners, and the outstanding levels of craftsmanship. My headboard and dresser are pieces of arts; they don’t make furniture as thoughtfully refined and impeccably designed pieces of furniture. In light of its worth, I consider what I paid for it ($250 for the full set) a stipend. Maybe one day I’ll tell the story of this set and how I was fortunate enough to acquire it. It came to many paired with another divine blessing during a very difficult time in my life. The memory of that day, how I connected with the owners of this set, finding out about the peculiar origins of the set, the offering I received in conjunction with it and the love and attention with which the set was made equates to something truly special. Talk about synchronicities… The symbolism attached to it is insanely powerful. It is just what I needed to lay my body on as I rest and regenerate my body, night or day. These are stories I’ll be sharing with my divine masculine and will later tell my children about. It was me stretching out my hands to touch God and reaching Her. l love that pretty much everything in my house has been recycled, purchase secondhand or acquired for free. Everything around here has life to it and a story to tell. Everything around me has grit, patina, caché and is a fine expression of singularity, timelessness and resilience. That’s how I like it. My spatial environment is emblematic of my identity and is an extension of my energy field at every level. Much like everything that I do, everything that I say, every song that I play, every documentary that I watch, every book that I read, every hairstyle that I rock, every clothing item I wear, everything that I eat, everything that I purchase and everything that I support reveals a lot about the kind of person that I am, my home says it all. Come on my land and you’ll begin to know me. Anyhow, I had a great day. Did a lot of editing, ordered a half of medicinal and split the bill with V, did laundry, had steamed chicken, rice and edamame for lunch then a scrumptious ruben sandwich for dinner. I still had a bit of vanilla and chocolate shake from Monty’s. The cookie had melted onto small bits. The raisin, oats and chocolate chips were swimming in the creamy puddle that had condensed overnight; I chugged that gooey shit. It was so satisfying! I also watched this while editing:

It stirred up a lot of things in me.

I’ll reflect on that later. For now, I’ve gotta wrap this up. I need to stick to my skin regimen as I’m beginning to see results. I’m also tired and hope to be in bed by 11 pm tonight. I’ve been staying up terribly late and it’s not compatible with what my days are looking like and what needs to happen. I think I can successfully hit the reset button tonight but only if I leave things here for now.

#LoveAndLight 

August 16th, 2022

James Baldwin, you beautiful man - I will forever adore your spirit.

Watch and enjoy. *