I was quietly minding my business in my room when I heard a voice going on about energetic upgrades and massive shifts in consciousness. It was a female voice inviting the listener to ask the Universe to reveal to us all that needs to be confronted in order for us to access our most powerful timeline, embody our highest self, fulfill our purpose on this planet and grow past our fears so that healing can take place. She was urging us to be very conscious of our energies and intentions moving forward. I tried to listen more closely but could only catch a fraction of what she was discussing. I first assume that my housemate V might have been listening to a podcast outside but as I walked out of my room I noticed that sounds were coming from another direction. It led me outside to the neighbor window. It’s this gorgeous middle aged woman with light shoulder length blonde hair, sun kissed skin and what I assume to be an Australian accent - perhaps New Zealand. She leaves there with her husband I often hear come in and out of their unit but only formally met him a few weeks ago. Today was my first time engaging her in conversation. It’s a truly nice couple. I politely came to her window and interrupted her, curious about the lady she had been listening to. We chatted for a bit and she shared the link’s information so I could check it out. She recommended the channel as she found the host to be insightful and uplifting in her choice of words. It turned out to be an astrologist with a YouTube channel she had been keeping up with for some time. I told her that everything I had heard deeply resonated with me. It was a validation of the ebbing and flowing I’ve experienced all summer long in addition to being a confirmation of all that I’ve been feeling, thinking and writing my heart out about over the past couple of years. Perhaps you’ll feel the same way I do if you, too, have been undergoing massive changes on an emotional and spiritual level. Besides, I appreciate that she chooses to begin her recordings with a reinforcement of the fact that astrology is intuitive. Her flow is nice. She synthesis these emotional processes very well and gives good advice. Enjoy:
This one is a confirmation on the validity of the paradigm shifts I’ve converted to and championed lately as well as the very tangible new dawn I’ve been witnessing, thinking of and hoping to contribute to in greater capacities. Amongst other things, it reminds us of the virtue of chaos and destruction for the greater purpose of establishing entirely new foundations and building spiritual stamina for more significant evolutionary challenges. Pam Gregory is a remarkably skilled, eloquent and well informed astrologist. Listening to her always delivers guidance, uplifting words, empowering perspectives and much need clarity. She’s one of the select few astrology channels I’m subscribed to on YouTube. Within the past couple of months I’ve unsubscribed from at least two third of them. Many have nothing to offer other than redundant sensationalized scripted bullshit. She excels at collective energy updates and offers elaborate analysis on where we are as a planetary consciousness. She helps with understanding and working through the rarely comfortable sort of cleansing that this rapid global rising of vibrational frequencies can trigger on an individual level. I’ve personally never seen her miss the mark. It’s quite amazing how accurate and vibrationally aligned she is with whatever is happening. It’s divine gift of channeling, interpretation and communication. She’s on point. Have a listen and thank me later:
Still grieving. Daily. Although my days are at least equally amazing, I experience feelings of grief nonetheless. I know - forever holding dichotomy… My mind flirts with opposite concepts all day long - that’s just what it naturally does. It has to begin with dualism in order to evolve into non dualism and the natural balancing of perceived polarities. In reality, a multitude of truths may manifest at the same time. All I’m saying is that I’m can be happy and mournful in the same hour. In quality of passive observer, it is a very interesting place to be. I’ve derived immense power from it lately. For those reading this who may be wondering who / what I’m grieving, still, make no mistakes: It isn’t what needed to be let go that I’m grieving, it is an amalgamation of recently expired versions of the self. I’m grieving the loss of me in the pursuit of an us. A fictitious one for that matter. I have to feel her out, spend time with her, honor her, understand and soothe her in order for me to ease the load and freely carry on. I’m recovering from an extraction of surgical precision. It’s a heavy procedure I sustained. If there was ever a good time to be extremely patient with myself outside of childhood, now would be it. It will take however long it takes but I will say my proper goodbyes to her, as many times as necessary. She needs a lot of love / care from me, which is great. For the first time in a very long time, it is primarily me I’m taking care of and I readily put my needs first - in fact I’m happy to do so. That’s the space I’m in at the moment. It’s Hermit mode all over again - not a space for a tandem of energies. I don’t particularly seek to invest my energy into someone else right now. I got sexual cravings out of my system. I’m not interested in dating or being sexually stimulated by anyone other than myself right now. There’s never enough hours in a day. I feel I have to pour it all in myself first before it can be transmuted into something of value, of beauty, of truth, of love. We don’t suppress emotions over here. We don’t wrap bandages over hearts. mine is broken at what my previous self had to endure and face in order to get me to this summit. I had never experienced this view before. I can not not honor what it took to get here. I consciously make time for my own burials. The only way out is through - I’ve got to feel it to heal it. Yesterday I had a $1300 payout for 5 hours of hosting, followed by a 2 hours walk. Today, I just want to lounge and do nothing. Wake. Bake. Meditate. Eat. Journal. Nap. Move. Eat. Read. Smoke. Meditate. Sleep. The most I’ll do is play with my dogs and dance in my room. That’s good enough for me! My younger self wants me to rest therefore I oblige. Right now, I’m here to serve her - I’m here to help her get over herself.
I realize I keep on bringing this up but hey - I don’t know what to tell you other than it keeps on happening and I keep on being amazed by it all. I express gratitude for it multiple times a day because if anyone knows what food means to me then they’d know this is something I wholeheartedly receive and regard as an emanation of utmost love and care. My housemate B loaded the fridge with all manners of grilled and baked salmon. Haven’t yet opened them all but one looks like a jerk marinade, the other is a dijon like creamy sauce and the third, which I’ve had for dinner, was encrusted with nuts and herbs. It came with a flavorful cauliflower rice and roasted summer vegetables. It’s not just how exquisite the food taste that I’m most taken by but the nutritional value of what I eat. When I was in limbo, my greatest concerns were attached to finding a decent place to live for myself and my two dogs, centrally located, spacious but well priced, with a setup that would allow me easily run my businesses and with unique factors that would facilitate the subletting of my spare room to help offset my rent. Feeding myself and my pets quality food was also a concern of mine as I was truly gearing myself up to be particularly mindful of what all that purchase and consume. I was determined to eat fresh and organic as often as possible but the reality is that ordering mostly from Amazon fresh / Whole Foods or Bristol farm and selecting top tier labels quickly added up to more than I could afford. I was forced to compromised more often than I wanted which was cause for some level of anxiety about not giving my body proper fuel to regenerate itself. At the end of the day it rings true anytime, anywhere; other than love and good health, shelter and food are the basic human needs it all boils down to and what I most ardently prayed for. Manifestation is real baby… Metaphysics has my head spinning day throughput the day as I count my blessings. Everything I prayed for is here plus some more on top. It’s the quality for me. This house is better suited for this stage of my life than anything I imagined. It is the perfect sanctuary for me and the things I cherish. Likewise, I had gotten so emotionally invested in cleaning up my diet and connecting more with the food I eat by removing as much processed elements as possible that I was hell bent on investing in a hydroponic system to grow my own organic fruits amd vegetables at home. Due to financial constraints and other priorities popping up like a game of whack-a-mole, that hasn’t happened just yet. Likewise, I may love practically all veggies under the sun, it doesn’t necessarily translate into me buying/ cooking a wide array of stuff. I often end up grabbing the same stuff which leaves me with a rotating menu of dishes that keep on repeating themselves. In this case is the variety and quality for me. I’m speaking of all sorts of grains; spelt, couscous, barley, quinoa, rice. It’s a large number of lean meat and seafood such as organic chicken, veal, flank steak, tenderloin, ribs, short ribs, sirloin chuck, salmon, cod, crab, jumbo shrimps, organic not to mention the cold pressed olive oil and imported cheese galore. As for the vegetables; it’s everything yo! I’ve been eating the rainbow. It’s been green beans, leeks, mushrooms, cauliflower, broccoli, carrots, swiss chard, spinach, cabbage, potatoes, peppers, tomatoes, broccoli rabe, celery, fresh corn, fresh herbs, micro greens, you name it… It changes everyday and it’s always a feast of color on my plate. My biggest worries were food and shelter and the universe set me up to share the most awe inspiringly stunning and tranquil space with an executive chef specialized in farm-to-table health oriented and nutrition packed lean cuisine and a recently turned vegetarian foodie originating from Southern India who is literally on a mission to master his family’s vegetarian recipes and uses the finest ingredient when experimenting in the kitchen as he counts on me to be his fortunate test subject. Fine dining is now a way of life, but more than that, it is a lifeline generously dispensed to me by two kindhearted individuals who give from the heart - not expecting anything in return. I gracefully accept it without shame or guilt. These earth angels as I like to think of them were most certainly put on my path to bring me comfort and sustenance in the form of these edible offerings which have made my transition so much easier than it would have been otherwise. I am being fed like a Queen without having to think about it or ask for it; there is an abundance of food in the kitchen on a daily basis and the menu du jour, which is continuously changing, has me surprised every time I open the refrigerator. It’s incredible! I was upset the other day for leaving a platter of luscious crab cakes sit in there far too long. Nervous about gambling with my digestive health, I had to throw it all away but I later wished I had thought to give those to Maya & Rio as treats as opposed to letting them go to waste. I don’t believe in wasting food and do my best to minimize discards of spoiled items but every once in a while there is just so much to eat at once. Takeout is rarely ordered as we’re all mindful to ear what’s available. Still, at times it’s more than we can consume. I try to keep Maya and Rio on board with their kibble diet which appears to be healthier for them. Hence why I don’t automatically immediately resort to handing them stuff but one thing is for certain, they’re loving the occasional human grade treats. They go nuts for roasted carrots, broiled chicken, anything beefy or salmon and shrimp bites! They know what’s what too - as soon as I pull it out of the fridge. That said, if I give them a treat and order them to leave me alone to eat they usually take it with gratitude and settle down. Maya may whine a little but, ultimately, she listens. Rio has been very good with switching it off if asked to do so. If I inform them that what I’m eating isn’t good for them and they’re not getting any of it, they don’t insist for long. It’s as if they can understand that I’m being fair to them which renders them more docile, reasonable and generally well behaved. By the way, I think I might have made a tiny bit of progress with getting these wild b bugs not to jump and headbutt people out of trance-like excitement. More training is most definitely needed but now at least they try and fight the urge and 3 times out of 5 it works. Anyhow, I had salmon for dinner tonight followed by oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies. I’m satiated but not overwhelmingly full. This meal was exactly what I needed for dinner after going out for a long walk around UCLA campus. We explored Westwood city center / UCLA village for about two hours and caught the sunset while we were out. The sky put on a real show this evening. It was quite amazing! Especially after randomly stopping by The Pharmacy where we grabbed king rolls to activate our senses. It felt great to get some fresh air, zone out and snap photos. The campus is even nicer than I remembered it when I toured it years ago. I really dig this neighborhood. Life is but a dream right now… I am so blessed. Everything I most needed to find my center again and rebuild in peace has been supplied to me by the Universe. I can’t express enough gratitude for all that has entered my life. While heading back home it occurred to me that I seem to be witnessing a gazillion thoughts cross my mind in a single day and lately the large majority of these thoughts have turned out to be lovely, useful and worthwhile ones. Ain’t that the most beautiful thought one can form about one’s thoughts? I love it in here. I love nothing more than opportunities to seek myself out, conversate and interrogate myself, challenge myself, get to know myself better. To me, meditation, visualization and gratitude practice are the equivalent of drugs for my brain. It’s grown addicted to it. I crave time for simply that - for closing my eyes or reaching for a pen. Every minute spent communing with the self delivers more treasure and pulls me nearer to creation. To think that just a couple of years ago my thoughts were working against me, turning my own mind into my worst enemy… Not even the enemy I slept with could reach me and deactivate my powers the way that my thought could. Our own limiting beliefs are our jailers. I feel so free - so alive! It’s hard to put into words… The fire that has baptized me has given me new skin and I LOVE the skin I’m in. I love this mind. I love this body. I love this opportunity at existing and having a human experience of my own design with GOD / source as my lighthouse and purveyor of truth. There is nothing to fear. All has been going according to plan. I have goals and dreams but my guess, at this point, is that I cannot even fathom what comes next… I can feel it though!