I find that it is often easier for me to interact with animals and plants. Because communication is of primal nature, it is purely energetic. It is simplified, direct and unequivocal in a way that that seems easier to decipher than human to human communication. Except for a select few, I have difficulties interfacing with people around me. I now speak on how I feel, saying what I mean and meaning what I say. I am intentional with my words and clean up my speech whenever I say the wrong thing. I give freely, trusting in the fact that it will come back to me. Whenever I’m allowed to and feel safe in doing so, I love on people and voice my support for them in the way that I desire to be loved and supported. However it’s not tit for tat. I assume good things and hope for the best but I do not stay attached to a particular outcome - I can no longer afford to. People come and go. I accept the fact that few will be willing or able to meet me where I am and that it is perfectly okay; not all are meant to travel with me. I give because it is my prerogative to give and I show openness because it my choice to be open but I try not be enslaved by my expectations. I am often met with disappointment when I fixate on a result or try to control things. Things work themselves out effortlessly when I’m not trying hard. In case there is a lack of reciprocal efforts, I can count on myself or the Universe to remove the source of unbalance from my present reality by way of divine intervention. Although people are typically drawn to authenticity, I find that they soon start to question my motives or feel triggered by the words I speak for I don’t shy away from sharing my thoughts, expressing my feelings, praising others or pointing out their shadow side. Some love me for practicing radical honesty until I demand the same from them. They then consciously or subconsciously distance themselves, trying to figure me out, wondering what I’m after and where the catch. There is none - except I’m gone. Energy doesn’t lie. I can pick up on subtle cues that let me know whether or not it’s a safe space for me and now more than ever before I play close attention to them. I give the benefit of the doubt but not as much as I used to. Once again, I can’t afford to. My doors are open but that does not mean that I would or should invite all energies to waltz into my field and hold space indefinitely. Having a history doesn’t qualify as a criteria for eligibility; if it doesn’t feel align, I ask that it reveals itself to me so that it can be released. Talking about getting down to the nitty gritty of what no longer belongs in my energetic space, I’ve spent the weekend removing roughly 800 followers from my instagram account. It was long overdue. I can feel the space that has opened up around me and I needed that. I started with spam accounts and obvious bots as well as accounts which had not been active since prior to the pandemic. There were accounts friends had created but had abandoned along the way. There were accounts I simply no longer resonated with. Confession time: back in my mid twenties, when I was trying my hands at wardrobe styling, I had succumbed to the pressure of growing my following in a vain attempt to attract more opportunities. One I didn’t understand is that you can’t cheat your way through manifesting: it just won’t turn out the way you imagine that it will. I bought followers. 500 of them. Of course, real followers and organic engagement was promised but what I ended up with was a small army of bots with virtually zero engagement. It was silly. Similarly, as I wrapped up on the renovations last fall, getting ready to launch the location rental business as well as diving deeper into interior design and property staging, I bought a yearly subscription for supposedly “slow drip” likes. I thought it could help boost my brand as I reengaged with social media and started creating interior and lifestyle content. Came November, social media was the least of my concern as everything came crashing down around me. I’m not embarrassed to share this. Sadly I’m not the first to have caved under the pressure to increase follower count and solidify one’s online presence. I probably won’t be the last either. I have months to go with this subscription and cannot stop it. It is now more of a burden than anything else as I no longer seek to build a design “brand” or an “artist” brand. I just want to be myself and record my process as I evolve. I perceive my life and my beingness as the art. I want to share my experiences and tools. I want to start difficult conversations around mental health, energy drainers and narcissistic abuse. I’ll boil it down to five followers if I must but I will foster a space in which I can thrive and have open dialogues with others on a variety of deeply intimate topic. I want to act as a mirror for others by openly sharing my struggles and diligently working through them as I heal and fall deeper in love with myself. That’s what I want. In my attempt to merge with my highest self, I will continue to shed layers of conditioning and redirect my energy towards that which supports my growth.