To feel as though…

To belong.

To not.

To feel as though I have to

be much less than half

of what I am,

for others

to interface

or find 

their bearing

within me.

To feel as though I have to 

simmer down,

filter out,


parts of myself

to accomodate


but I.



blades of grass,


and beetles

have a better 

grasp of meiner 


Perhaps it is to



blades of grass,


and beetles,

all of my letters 

should be addressed.

#5DConsciousness #AlienGirl #BraveHeart #OldSoul #WoundedWarrior #EgoDeath #WhatNow #LostInTranslation #INFJ

Watch this liquid pour itself.

When Okay Kaya announced a stint performance at the Lodge Room, I was in the midst of a grueling storm but made sure to log the date in both my calendar and mind. It is one of the few events I was most looking forward to attend this Spring, highly anticipating her to exude the sort of visceral magic trusted to relieve a heavily burdened soul. I was experiencing a very low past couple of days, basically questioning every decision I’ve ever made in life - especially my most recent ones. The shadow of loneliness had taken up residence in my room, adding weight to my every limb. A day before the show, I was no longer up for it. For a minute there I thought of skipping it altogether. I didn’t feel like leaving my house. I didn’t feel like getting ready. I didn’t feel like moving at all. Thankfully, a text message from my housemate motivated me and I eventually snapped out of it. I mean, what the hell… There was no way I was going to miss this - no good reason for me not to indulge. Ego is such a thief. Okay Kaya + small intimate venue, in bustling and equally intriguing Highland Park? Those are presets for a lovely time.  Indeed, it was. It turned out to be exactly what the doctor ordered. Okay Kaya sang and whispered all the words I needed to hear and administered the right dose of medicine for my bleeding heart. I shook my ass and cracked at all of her witty banters. She really is 1 of 1. A strange flower from another world. She is as real, as honest, as unfiltered as it gets. She showed up in a pajama dress number, made light of not knowing the exact count between each songs, and admitted to feeling quite anxious as she moved through the night. It was laid back, organic, unpretentious and truly refreshing. I write paragraphs, not songs, but if I were to brilliantly infuse my thoughts and feelings into timeless records, my discography would essentially be comprised of Okay Kaya’s melodic dead pan records. Her equivocal skewness lays the foundation for a wildly atypical and spookily raw offering to the universe. This lady knows exactly what it’s like to lose your mind in love. Each of her verses deliver astoundingly accurate diagnosis for what has been tugging at my heartstrings. She’s been there. She really gets it… It is both heartbreaking and reinvigorating, but to know that she’s felt all of the murky, soul crushing, and discordant feels means that I am not alone in my pain. If you are having trouble deciphering what in Heaven’s name seems to be haunting her, believe me, it is a good thing! It signifies that your heart is closer to being intact than other hearts out there. A lot of these songs, despite sounding deceitfully sweet, were birthed by trauma - more specifically, NPD related trauma. When you know, you unmistakably know. Either way, her corky tunes are guaranteed to take you out for a ride! Thank you Kaya.

#OkayKaya #SpringShow #LodgeRoom #HighlandPark #HabitualLove #BabyLittleTween #PsychWard #ZeroInteractionRamenBar #HalleluYaHalleluMe #PopcornHeart #InsertGenericName #DieSlow #IUD #INFJ #NPDAwareness #NPDAbuse #CovertNarc #MalignantNarc #PervertNarc #CryItAway #WriteItAway #DanceItAway #SingItAway #PaintItAway  #ActiveHealing #ArtTherapy # Believe #Rise #Heal

Lost & Found

At times we deviate from ourselves so we 

may harvest deeper knowledge about 

ourselves, perhaps far more than

we would - had we remained 

coiled in safety. I like to 

believe that way

- of it all. 

it is not only true

for me, it hurts

a little less

- too.


Makes perfect

- sense.


- for me.


- times two.

If the lesson

- sticks…

Why not

- try?


- way?

#INFJ #NPDAwareness #NPDRecovery #NPDSurvivor #FairTrade #CosmicRedirection #HermeticLaw #SeedsForGrowth #EyesThatSee #HeartThatFeels #ShadowWork #InnerChild #EmotionalWounds #PathOfAnEmpath #DoYouSeeIt #DoYouFeelMe #ThankYouMorePlease #ClarityOfMind #ItsMakingSense #BeLikeWater #FlowWithIt #ChooseYourself #HonorYourself #SpeakUp #LoveOverFear #SelfLoveIsFirstLove #HonorYourself #LawOfAttraction #TimingIsKey #DoYourBest #StayTrue #Believe #Heal

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