It’s been exactly two weeks since V. left Los Angeles for Vancouver and I must admit that his departure tore me up inside. I experienced the energetic shift in the house in a robust way. It felt like a palpable void for the first few days and I honestly surprised myself at how much more affected I turned out to be in comparison to what I had anticipated. I felt heaviness in my heart, sluggish, and my stomach was oddly sensitive. As we’re still navigating the effects of yesterday’s powerful full moon in Pisces, I’m obligated to remark that the current astral configuration is likely to have potentiated all that I’ve been feeling lately hence why it’s been a particularly intense separation. Perhaps there was a co-regulating dimension embedded within my rapport with V. which I was forced to pull away from. Whatever it was, I experienced it as deeply healing and comforting. It took me a couple of days to shake it off and get re-adjusted. I bathed in my feelings with the intent to truly understand appreciate the reasons bidding farewell to my friend and housemate whom I’ve only known for 6 months felt so bittersweet. I gave myself the space and grace to mourn what had expired while celebrating what would come about next. Although I haven’t posted it here, I journaled a bit about it. I meditated. I daydreamed. I read. I wrote down my goals and reaffirmed my commitment to them. I caught up on sleep and certainly compensated with food. All in all though, allowing these feelings to flow through me, indiscriminately, without disruption or judgement, was the proper response to what I felt was happening within. After I duly honored it and got it out of my system, I was back to myself again, filled only with gratitude for harmonious connections forged in reciprocal efforts and eager to adapt to a new groove. Early this past week I connected with someone I sense will make for a great housemate to B. and myself. The process was a bit tedious and I sure hope I won’t have to go through it again anytime soon but overall it was a blessed one. I got the opportunity to meet a handful of interesting people. Lots of UCLA grad, post grad, doctorate and post doctorate candidates involved in research. One was intimate with space physics and another played with genetic algorithm. I asked question and collected some answers; most of which sounded wildly fascinating and rather complex. The world of academia is so vast. Each discipline seems to cultivate its own language and codes. The space garnered a lot of interest therefore I was lucky to end up with a decent number of solid offers. After worrying for a week and struggling to cover rent + bills, it worked itself out beautifully. Having multiple good options to choose from is the ideal scenario when seeking a shared tenant and I believe I’ve chosen the best one - time will tell. In any case, adequately addressing the sudden vacancy and filling the space within a specific timeframe was a bit of a burden for me and I’m glad it’s now resolved. For a short while I felt like I was no longer standing on solid ground due to the fragility of my current financial dispositions but I did what needed to to be done, sat and waited confidently. The Universe always provides. I’m fortunate to still have B as my other housemate who has been looking out for me and both my dogs. A couple of days ago he did something incredibly nice for Rio and Maya. I won’t give further details but it brought tears to my eyes. To show my appreciation, I decided to paint him a thank-you-card instead of purchasing one. He was really touched by it. There is something about hand making things that wins heart and infusing thoughtfulness into an offering to someone certainly warms my heart. For me it’s not about the price tag. Show me how you care. Show me how you listen. Show me how you notice. On another note, although I’ve been well fed, I’ve been having regular conversations with myself about my eating habits and what I feel needs to change. Mmyeah… So basically, it was brought to my attention by my highest self that I now have a sugar addiction. It’s a tricky one to break away from once the body is primed to receive and process it, AKA corrupted. From infanthood to my late twenties, sugar and I weren’t really rocking with each other. I was one of those strange kids who had no desire to explore the realm of sweet treats. I didn’t care for ice cream, candy bars, cookies, pastries, sodas and so on. I’d usually go with savory for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert - whenever possible. In my opinion, it’s a lot harder to quit sugar once the dependency is established than it is to generally avoid it in life. I mean, I’m not mad at all of the yummy treats I’v but I happily consumed but I now deal with major sugar cravings. When it hits I just have to have my fix - right? “If I can’t go, I can just hire someone to deliver it to me within half an hour” type of crisis. That’s the double edge sword of conveniency for you. So here I was, on a quest to find sugar instead of my good sense. I zombie walked to the kitchen and spotted four boxes of Girl Scout cookies left behind by one of my old housemates early this summer. Don’t judge me but I’ve never actually tried any of those. I went straight for the thin mints but there were also tagalogs. I told myself, as I ripped the box open “You know damn well these are going to be too minty.” I usually find it to be the case with mint stuff. It has to be the perfect ratio for the mint not to overpower the entire confection - you know. and “They rarely get it right.” I calmly agreed with the voice in my head like “Yeah, you’re probably right, there’s a chance these turn out to be entirely unappetizing” while still proceeding with carefully opening the inner package to prevent from spilling the goods. I finally got my hands on them, put one in my mouth and patiently waited for the verdict. Was I going to spit it out? “No… Wait! These are quiet good.” I thought to myself “Hah! Waiiit. These are delicious” is what I began to think as I swallowed another two cookies. Of course they got it right. I could have done with a tad less mint but, to be fair, despite being on the heavy handed side of the correct ratio (for me) these people (manufacturers) know something about their cookies. “They’re Damn good!” Is what I remarked while chewing on the fourth cookies, “no wonder these are so popular.” NIt was followed by a good laugh at myself for wrongly assuming that the mint cookies weren’t going to taste remotely good because the flavors wouldn’t be balanced properly. All of a sudden, that idea sounded ridiculous. Chocolate and mint agreed with each other. I tried to trace it back to where the belief that mint treats should generally be avoided originally came from but wasn’t successful. Moving forward I get to assume that, on the contrary, mint treats are phenomenal. Needless to say that I’ve devoured half of the thin mints since then. I’ve also eaten about a third of the tagalogs on top of all the cute little cakes B. brings home from work. I’ve always been an emotional eater, often binging on food until I could no longer store anything in my belly. I used to eat strictly for pleasure as opposed to focusing on that which has the highest nutritional value and can best support my systems. I now try to stay on the healthy side, prioritizing lean meats, grains and all sorts of vegetables. I eat normal portions and can stop myself upon reaching full capacity. It’s something I struggled to do in the past. I’d eat until I felt undeniably uncomfortable and all that food jammed in my piped would leave me to feel bloated, gassy and tired. I’ve set out to build a healthier relationship with food and my awareness has expanded in many areas. That said, sugar is one of the newest devils I have to outwit and it won’t be easy. 

I’ve been waking up around 5 am all week long, which has been fantastic. That’s how I like it best nowadays so I’m aiming to stick with the early bird regimen; a lot gets done before noon and then the day is pretty much won + more time to worship and commune with the Sun. On Thursday I went for a 2 hours early afternoon walk in a sweltering heat. I had to stop by the bank to make a deposit and also needed to buy exfoliating brushes to rid my back of all the dead skin I’ve been feeling lately when showering with hand towels. I kid you not, I’ve quite literally been shedding skin all summer - heavily. Perhaps it is the by product of not having someone to regularly scrub my back (I suppose marriage has its perks) combined with the non-showering that has characterized  the early days of my divorce process back when I had to talk myself into showering, eating, answering the phone and essentially trying to function like a normal person. Anyhow, I needed some things for myself and for common use in the house so I mapped it out; deal. It would take about an hour to get there. I was up for it. It was overcast and somewhat windy that morning, which seemed ideal for a long walk. I decided to head there by foot,  grab what I was looking for and call a ride to shuttle me home with my shopping bags. Naturally, the way my ADHD would have it, I ended up getting sidetracked with cleaning, organizing, watching the news, replying to emails, budgeting, making lists and hanging out with the pups. I eventually got hungry, slid a deli sandwich into the hot oven, stuffed my fanny pack with some probiotic yogurt, added a mini blueberries muffin (yep, it all fitted just fine), grabbed my keys and bounced. I had initially planned to head out around 8 am so I could get to my closest branch when the bank opened at 9. I didn’t actually live until around 1 pm though. By the time I stepped outside the heat was beginning to rise but I decided to walk anyway. I’m glad I did! I spotted really interesting trees, birds and people on my way to the store. I had never walked this far in that direction. Per usual, I went in for 2 or 3 items and ended up buying a dozen things that were “missing” from the list. On my way out I waited about 15 minutes for Lyft but my rides kept on getting cancelled. Having deleted Uber from my phone, I thought to myself again “Well. Fuck it, I’ll trek back.” I figured out the least uncomfortable way to carry my shopping bag full of stuff “I needed” and walked on. I came across a pepper tree I had missed on the way to the store which provided a great opportunity to forage pink peppercorn. About 45 minutes later I was home, proud of my legs for having carried me all the way to my destination. I needed it - the walk. It brought me back to last Winter 2021 and Spring 2022, when I was separated from Maya & Ri, with no idea what my life was going to look like after freeing myself from the narc who sought only to dominate me. I don’t think I’ve ever walked that much in my life; it was liberating in more ways than I could explain. I walked for hours and hours every single day to work through things in my head and confront my trauma. It was deeply cathartic and, despite it being intense, it is something I sometimes miss. Sadly, I can’t really walk all day anymore; I’ve got shit to do. Moreover, I usually feel tired at the end of the day and lack the motivation to go outside. On Thursday, I felt a sense of achievement when I got home and told myself that I’d try and repeat it the following day. I slept like a baby that night but no, there was no do over the next ay. My legs were casted in jello. It also rained. I stayed in to recharge. I haven’t felt the need to journal as much lately and that’s probably because I’ve been occupied with watching and digesting all sorts of thought provoking, eye opening, inspiring and/or educative material. I’ve also been meditating and debating on whether or not to pull the trigger on something that means a great deal to me. Despite knowing which stance to adopt, for a number of reasons I’ve been holding back. I’ve intellectualized why I’m refraining from taking action and my apprehensions are perfectly rationals but, regardless of the discomfort it may bring, I think it’s time to take action - if you know what I mean… Do you? 

On another note, I’ve reinstalled Bumble on my phone a couple of days ago. After telling a friend that she should put herself out there if open and willing to get to know new people I realized that I could take my own advice cuz’ let’s be honest, I don’t leave my house much. Home is where I’m most comfortable but magic happens whenever I step outside of my comfort zone and tune myself to be receptive of it. Dating after divorce is a bit weird but I’m approaching things differently this time around. I’m proceeding with enough caution to balance out this my open heart, singling out one or two person(s) to greet out of a dozen matches, strictly giving my attention to the select few I feel  I have shared values, interests and lifestyles with. I don’t care what you look like or what you drive. We’ve got to click intellectually and align spiritually for anything to develop physically. After spending the summer reveling in my own beauty, embracing my insecurities, trying to recover from chronic fatigue and tending to my own needs, I think it’s once again time to welcome whatever or whomever life may bring - I’ve made space for it. I trust in men of integrity and still have deep faith in love. I’m beyond grateful for this past year and the time I’ve gotten to spend in my own company for I’ve learned how to handle myself and my emotions. I now know just how good it feels to be laced with care, compassion and utmost dedication and I’m only seeking partners who can show up for me and love me as well as I love myself, which is what I’d be striving to provide in return.  The keyword here is “partners” which is pluralized on purpose. For whatever reasons, ethical non monogamy is a thematic of interest that has been consistently popping up in my reality. For it to manifest smoothly, wholly and beautifully, conscious awareness, genuine vulnerability, radical honesty, open communication and cooperation are required. Those are all of the things I’m drawn to work on at this stage of my life. I’m also unwilling to commit to someone right off the bat, even if there is phenomenal chemistry. Time is needed for patterns to be reveal themselves. I need to be able to see those patterns to determine that the connection is viable without feeling the pressure of making it work because “we chose each other and  prematurely entered into an exclusive contract with one another, hoping that all goes well. I’m not necessarily thinking of this as a permanent shift in the kind of relationship dynamics I’m seeking. What I’m trying to say is that, at this stage of my life, of my emotional journey and spiritual evolution, I feel ENM is what is what is best suited for the woman I’m becoming and what it is she is currently needing / desiring. It is what makes sense for me right now as I’d like to retain a certain level of freedom without having to sacrifice depth and intimacy for experimentation and discovery. Different individuals bring out different aspects of me and I am currently in a space of wanting to experience as many fruitful, loving, tender and playful facets of my personality as possible. I want to continue learning and growing from my relationships and I feel that, if indeed practiced ethically with conscious partners, I may be given opportunities to grow in ways I never have before. If partners are meant to be sacred mirror; I want to see my reflection in the eyes of many and plant seeds of longevity only where the soil is fertile. I’m not inclined to lock myself away too quickly this time. I want to express my femininity and be nourished by my lover(s) in the ways that I aspire to be loved. Truthfully, there seems to be a greater capacity for self inquiry and a higher level of self awareness + truth amongst friends and strangers who have openly shared their personal experiences with exploring less conventional relationship practices. In my experience, all those I’ve interacted with on that topic strike me as remarkably patient, transparent, mentally sound, emotionally available and well balanced. I think I can definitely get down with that. In fact I believe I’ll be better for it. The idea and longing to explore romance from an entirely new perspective has been in the back of my mind for a while. It seems the universe keeps on aligning me with folks who have already crossed into non monogamy and haven’t looked back. I think there’s something there for me to reckon with and perhaps integrate. We shall see… What I feel really good about is just how clear I am on what my needs are and what I am attracted to. It’s refreshing and empowering. Despite the errors of judgement I’ve made in the past, I know that I can trust myself to choose better and commit my time to the things, places and people that are worthy of it.

I’ve been waking up around 5 am all week long which has been fantastic. On Saturday I was up again bright and early, but for different reasons. It was a full moon so naturally I got a bloody gift from Mother’s Nature. It’s wild how I’ve had my period practically every full moon this year… The red moon cycle is what they call it; I don’t mind. Add pms symptoms to the mix for some extra feels. All good feels though. Even when the heart gets squeezed a little bit, it’s just so full of love. I am love. No cap. It is so clear to me now that human beings are the embodiment of love, if only they let it. Heck, this whole existential journey has for only purpose to expand our capacity for love and that’s just what I’m here to do. As of late, all these feels have been rooted in love and I’m happy to observe them as they come up. I hope this harvest moon has allowed you to connect even more with your intuition and encouraged you to release that which no longer serves you. As far as I’m concerned, my emotions peeked right before the full moon, after which I felt particularly calm and at peace. I throughly enjoyed the rain we had over the weekend; that too had a calming effect on me. It drizzled most of Friday and Saturday. To get me through my period funk, I had pizza but Ri ate about a third of it when I went to use the bathroom. I had left it unattended on my bed. A silly mistake on my part so more power to him. I didn’t even scold him cuz’ what am I going to tell this rascal; that he shouldn’t have bitten into that luscious BBQ chicken pie? I’d be a fool… He may just look at me and laugh in a human voice. Anyhow, pizza was followed by a pint of vanilla and chocolate ice cream loaded with chunks of chocolate chip cookie dough and fudge brownie. Yes, it was ridiculously decadent and I’m still paying for it. I’ve been bloated since. What I should’ve been consuming to alleviate period pain are veggies, lean fish or meat and lots of water. But hey, I’m not perfect! On Sunday, the Sun was back again, but the air was crisper and fresher. It was a lovely weekend. I skipped dinner tonight though. I’m still bloated. I was cramping all day today so you know I was blazed. The medicinal helps with painful periods and, considering the fact that I do all I can to stay away from pain killers, having that as an alternative is significant. I’ve been smoking a lot but it’s getting to the point where it’s becoming mechanical and I’m not enjoying it as much so the next time I run out, which is probably going to happen by Tuesday, I won’t be buying greens for a while. 

Lastly, after washing my hair the other day I discovered a long strand of grey hair I had never noticed before. My first thought upon catching it was: “Hot damn. Many don’t live long enough to witness their hair turn grey. I pray to see more of these.” I really do. Fun fact; I had seriously considered dying my hair silver or dark blue. In the ended I ended up settling for a burnt orange shade but gray hair is so gorgeous to me. I have yet to die my hair and my overtone kit is still chilling in my bathroom intact, but if I do, silver still stands as a neat option for me to try. Alright, here is another dump of some of the stuff I’ve seen in September. I hope it will energize, fascinate, inspire or sober you up - enjoy: 

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We live in an astonishingly volatile world…

#DemocracyNow #IndependentNewsReport

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No thing can hide in the shadows forever; sooner or later all wrongdoings will be greeted with light.

#TechnoCracy #BlackMirror #ProjectNimbus #WhistleBlower #RiseUp #SpeakUp #BigBrother #ArtificialIntelligence #EthnicCleansing #FreePalestine #HumanRights #Ethics #Authoritarianism #Integrity #Accountability 

#FreeAssangeNow #JulianAssange #Hero

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Here’s to not learning a damn thing from the past:

#GeoPolitics #ForeignPolicy #GlobalConflict #MilitaryAid #ProxyWar #ColdWar #FalseNarrative #BinaryWorld #NuclearCatastrophe #NarcAttacks #SociopathLeadership #Homogeneity #Diplomacy #Unilateralism #Weaponry #Militarization #Intimidation #Subversion #Invasion #Hypocrisy #Mania #Patterns #Delusions #Righteousness #Narcissism #Warlord #Unchecked #Precipice #Karma #NATO

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There’s a special place in my heart for unique, intelligent, adaptive, sustainable design concepts like this one! This is the kind of innovative residential structures we need more of in tropical regions like my home country. I really dig it…

#ArchitecturalExcellence #CrossVentilation #EnergyEfficiency

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kk

#GlobalMigration #DangerPolitics #ClimateCrisis #WaterScarcity

#ClimateChange #ResourceManagement #ClimateCrisis #NewNormal

#CrashCourse #ArtHistory #ArtAficionado #DarkThought

#EnergyCleanse #SoundHealing

#Entomology #Anthropods #Pollinators #Equilibrium #Balance #Harmony #Osmosis #Collapse #NatureConservation #AgriculturalLandscape #EcosSystem #BioDiversity #FoodChain #HumanInterference #MassExtinction #PopulationDecline #NaturalHabitat #ScientificResearch #BoilingPoint

#Floods #ClimateCatastrophe #ClimateChange #ClimateRacism #ClimateJustice #ClimateAction

#Groove #Vibe #Dopeness

#Architecture #Design #Language #Space #Structure #Building #Sculpture #Poetry #Beauty #Essence #Arches #Curves #Perspectives #Story #Surrealism #Imagination #Curiosity #Passion #Madness #Experiementation #Masterpiece #Nowness

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I came across this video at the perfect time. I could immediately relate to his experience with divination practices and marijuana usage; I’m right there with him. I was actually going to journal about this… Tarot has been a remarkably powerful tool in my spiritual and healing journey; I owe it a lot. It has helped me to better access my own intuition and see things from a perspective that was generally positive, empowering, and most certainly always insightful. When I first got acquainted with tarot I opted to rely primarily on my intuition with the intent to develop my own relationship with my deck and the practice itself. Hence began a wonderful exploratory journey which supported me through a lot and consolidated my faith in the divine order of things back when I felt I had no one to turn to whom I could openly speak about what I was traversing and how best to navigate the emotional load attached to it. I’ve always only pulled cards for myself. As my marriage fell apart and my life was flipped upside down, I turned to YT tarot readers for guidance. The readings were often freakishly accurate, so much so that I quickly got sucked into the only tarot community. It didn’t take long for me to realize, however, that a lot of these very compelling narratives were periodically recycled for the audience. Having this realizations pulled me away from the decks altogether. Since last Spring, I’ve practically stopped watching online tarot readings. Except for a select few truly remarkable readers whose content I check every once in a while, perhaps 2 to 3 of them, I don’t take the bait on the catchy tag lines. The readers who’ve made the cut have a focus on collective consciousness, planetary energy shifts and global events - which seems to always be on point. When it comes to personal matter, I no longer feel that I need tarot to find answers to my question. Meditation delivers on that. When clarity sets it, the answers come effortlessly. Back in April, I was slowly inching forward, stepping in the fog. I couldn’t see what was ahead of me was invisible. 

I love his remark on the dynamic of life and how we may be called to cycle out of something which no longer serves us in this moment but may very well become useful again in the future. I try to navigate anything intuitively with an open mind. What I embrace today might need to be flushed out tomorrow and what I parted ways with tomorrow may reveal itself to be suitable for me again in another stage of my growth. Nothing is set is stone. Fluidity is key to adaptation and improvement. To reiterate what he said in the conclusive portion of the video: “I’ve learned to be flexible and let my intuition guide me to the different forms of assistance that life has to offer and I’ll know it when the time is right.”  There is a season and timing for everything in life; what I need will find me in due time. The same is true for you. The challenge is in learning to recognize it when it shows up and being open to receiving it. I say this often and I believe in it; it doesn’t matter what it is, my timing is impeccable - always. Resisting change compound into unnecessary suffering and delays growth. There exists an infinite number of tools, each with a specific application and purpose. Some will work better for you than others. Some will be good until they’re not. Outgrowing tools that might have been relied on in the past and highly favored doesn’t take anything away from their value; it simply means that they are needed no longer therefore it is perfectly okay to put them away with genuine gratitude and a deeper understanding about what is needed next to carry on with the journey. Remember that only that which is needed should be carried further. I still have a lot of respect and affection for my decks. In fact I will probably be called to add more beautiful decks to my collection in the future. Likewise, I’ll probably continue to pull cards once very blue moon to dust off the telephone and seek perspective or confirmation from angels, ascended masters, beloved ancestors and spiritual guides from other realms. I will always see value in it. As with all things though, moderation and context are necessary to extracting the benefits from any practice. Smoking weed is no different. I’m set to go on a fast because I feel the need to curtail my current consumption of the substance. That said, what is for now isn’t forever. I am not planning to definitely quit, nor do I wish to. The plant will come and go as I push through different stages of my healing but it doesn’t negate its appeal. I will continue to appreciate its soothing effects and will be indulging in it every on occasions. I just won’t be relying on it as much. It’s not meant to be a daily thing for me, at least not at this particular juncture. That’s what I have to come to terms with and follow through on and I’m perfectly okay with doing that.

jjj

jjjj

#FoodSupply #CentralizedPower #GlobalProtest #PopulistWave #SocialUnrest #ZeroCoverage #ZeroInterest #GreatReset #PayAttention #CookedFrog

I grew up with an understanding of the geopolitics in Western Europe, Sub Saharan African, the Maghreb, Near East and the Middle East but my awareness of the dynamics governing Central and South America was quite blurry. I was mostly conditioned to think of those parts of the worlds as whatever was being portrayed of these parts of the world in the mainstream media and entertainment industry. I had a vague notion of what a Banana Republic represents. In my head, it involved corruption, abuse of power and poor labor conditions but wouldn’t have been able to elaborate on it. The report below does a brilliant job at tracing things back to our usual suspect; imperialism and greed. The US approach to foreign policy have been and persists in being nothing short of sordid and sociopathic… I mean it’s fucking insane how much this continues to impact Central America, its people and its economic capabilities and how much the US continues to act as if it has no fucking clue why people are fleeing their destabilized homeland in mass and what any of this has to do with American’s interferences with the democratic framework of nations perceived as subordinate. Yo, Imperialism (think America, Great Britain and France - the great alliance) is the greatest motherfucking malignant narcissistic entity there is… I won’t stop saying it because IT’S FUCKING TRUE!

“But identity is a funny thing. It tends to grow with pressure.” No cap.

#BananaRepublic #BananaEmpire #PuppetGovernment #AmericanHero #BloodySamaritan #ImperialisticAgenda #PowerHunger #TrojanHorse #EnergyVampire #MalignantNarcissism #HorrorStory #SocialCollapse #ColonialEra #IndigenousPeople #MyPeople #KnowThyself #ChaosTheory

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Super!

#Sound #Beauty

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Divine!

#Movement #Freedom

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Highlight: 

Calida Rawles. Lehmann Maupin Gallery [17:35 - 18:58]

#FineArt

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Pray for rain.

#Drought #NewNormal #ClimateEmergency

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Pray for Gaza and those putting their lives on the line aiming to give voice to the voiceless by exposing the truth of Israel’s brutal police state / state sanctioned ethnic cleansing. Our world is sick. So sick,

As always, heavy on the blame shifting when it comes to Russia. The atrocious policies enacted by Western States and their chronic inability to assume any kind of responsibility for the predictable chaos which ensues from it never ceased to baffle me. Nothing is as it seems. Grateful for independent journalism and the effort to present the public with accurate information.

#DemocracyNow #IfNotNowWhen #FreePalestine #RussiaTheForeverScapegoat #FalseNarrative

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Yet, there is hope. Not all heroes wear capes:

#RegenerativeEffort #LovelyDream #SucessStory #CoCreation

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EVERY WORD!

Can you hold dichotomy? :)

#FreeWill #EqualPower #YouChoose #GoLight #GoDark #Contrast #Alignment #Resonance #Love #Wisdom #Clarity #Home

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My man Russell, whom I’ve grown to truly admire and respect, nails it here as usual. I was joyfully surprised at how sensible and eloquent this tribute was. I wasn’t particularly saddened by the queen’s death but I can certainly appreciate this man’s tact and compassionate words which he freely gives out without ever sacrificing his personal beliefs to political correctness.  He’d be an ideal dinner guest - no doubt. Rowdy but markedly brilliant and enchanting. Get into Russell’s head if you dare; his perspective adds value to any conversation. He’s one to always challenge the status quo and inspire his audience to consider a subject from multiple perspectives and he does it in a way that few can. Regardless of your feelings about the late Queen Elizabeth II, this is worth a listen. I’d go as far as saying that anything the man brings to his audience’s attention is worth a listen as it typically provides in depth research (all sources being identified) and excellent social commentaries.

#NewWorldOrder

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If I were to articulate my feelings about the British monarchy, its impact on the developing world and its generational legacy, I’d probably sound more like this though:

#SorryNotSorry

ddd

#Mother

#ImperialReckoning

She stays ahead of her time.

#Mirror #EgoDeath #SocialMediaEra

#TheInternetOfEverything

#ProxyWar 

#UsefulDialogue

#LesSaboteurs #GoneRogue #CovertTerrorism

Oh my goodness. This man lays it all out…

#TopSecurityClearance #PrivateRighteousArmy #CentralIntelligenceAgency #FreeWorldMercenaries #DismantleTheMob #OperationalFailure #AnalyticalFailure #FinancialFailure #HumaneFailure #StrategicFailure #AbsoluteCatastrophe

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A sermon.

A prayer.

A jolt.

Amen.

#Ase

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Much like the rest of Central and South America’s political history, my awareness of the social climate in these regions were simplistic. It had been made clear to me that Pinochet’s regime was quite brutal. Back then, voicing support for socialist or populist movements of any kind was the same as walking on thin nice. My father, who was part of the intelligence community in the southern hemisphere held Salvador Allende in high regards and one thing my father was known for was assuredly and unequivocally voicing his opinion. I had a sense of why he was fond of Allende but I was this week’s years old when I learned what had gone down in Chile and the forces fueling, championing and sponsoring the chaos from afar. It’s horrific:

Spotted in the comment section:

“This is 49 years ago and stuff like this is ongoing to this day.
It is absolutely mindblowing why no politician takes Kissingers quote “To be an enemy of America can be dangerous, but to be a friend is fatal” at heart.
I consider this evidence that every single politician we get to vote for in the West is pre-screened and approved before they get even near a position of power.”

#NeoLiberalism #ForeignInvasion #ImposedDictatorship #PuppetGovernment #EconomicStrangulation #EconomicTerrorism #ParasiticPipeline #UnfairAdvantage 

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This live performance was recorded 11 years ago - imagine that!  I had only been living in Southern California for a year. Time flies. I adore this record

#Adele #Legend #Beauty

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Aymeline.

Once again, it feels like looking in the mirror.

She is me. I am her…

Lots of muted feelings about this piece.

#She #Abuse #Survivor #Crisis #Rebirth #Gripping #Wild #Gutpunch #Sad #Lost #Found #Gaslighting  #Discernment #Sovereignty #Peace #NPDAwareness

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Florence’s last performance at the Hollywood Bowl prior to the pandemic lives rent free in my head. She was on tour to promote the release of the album below “High As Faith”. I was on X that evening and cried. I couldn’t tell you the number of times I’ve listened to this record and wept the saddest and happiest tears. I used to say to my ex spouse that Florence was truly born to heal and would often refer to her as a fairy. She is though…

Cry if you need to.

#DivineFeminine

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I’m just going to leave this right here…

Beware of the western corporate media machine.

#IndependentMedia #HonestReporting #TruthSeeking #UyghurAgenda #PropagandaMachine 

I wrote this entry a week ago but didn’t publish it:

It is Sunday morning. I woke up rather early despite going to bed late last night. Footsteps pulled me out of sleep around 7:30 am. I stayed up to work on Vin’s bike, went to bed tired and woke up tired. For a while there, before reaching for my laptop, I got to enjoy a window of near complete silence. I find the beginning of the day to be so delightful. Especially in this part of town. It is a markedly peaceful neighborhood from what I’ve experienced so far. The front door was open for a short while and I was sitting on a chair across from it. I could hear the dogs going about their investigative duties and sniffing things outside. If I paid close attention, I could also hear the whispers of the street, the vehicles jetting off in the distance, the wind breezing through the trees, the birds chirping, the insects buzzing and so on. Thankfully, it was early enough that there were not many neighborhood pups passing by our corner that would happen to catch Maya and Rio’s scents through the bushes. Forget about silence if and when that happens as you can reasonably expect them to engage in a high decibel doggy conversation comprised of crying, barking and howling in equal measures. When they spot another dog, it’s only a matter of who would be first to freak out and how loud will it get when expressing it - if you know what I mean. Rising right before the action offers a magical experience with a pace which seems more suited for me these days. I can’t really decide which one I prefer; the calm before the storm of early mornings or the cold silent of the night. I find it hard to maintain relationships with people these days. It seems I’ve retracted back to my cocoon and don’t want to be bothered. I am so at peace within the confines of my soul that it is where I go for comfort. I delight in my own company and get lost in my own thoughts. I find that I can never have enough time with myself. If I don’t get enough of it, I head for either physical or mental collapse - if not both. I’m more and more cautious of people and what they say to me. Especially when favors are being asked. I don’t know yet for certain but I think it is a good thing because I do them and have grown tired of fixing and rescuing. I’ve learned my lessons - I think? The problem, of course, isn’t with doing them but with doing them for the right people. 

 Yo… This timing couldn’t be more perfectly synched up. By the time I had finished writing these words Maya barked furiously at someone outside and it snapped me right out of my elusive bubble of peace and quiet. Her bark is intimidating. She means business, you see… I feel for the neighbors though. Despite living in a pet friendly neighborhood, I ought to keep that in check. I can count on Maya to pick up on anything unusual; she’s on it! Always on high alert. Rio has assumed his role of watchman, posted by the bay window which stands above street level. From there, he’s got a pretty good view of what’s taking place on both ends of the street and little dude is quite the observer. He watches attentively and for extended periods of time. I haven’t encountered many dogs who hold eye contact the way Rio does. He’s a fascinatingly spirited young fella with a boldness and naïveté that will melt anyone’s heart - if they have one. He embodies Pages energy (tarot reference), especially the Page of Wands. Maya is slowly drifting back towards dreamland, perched atop the throw pillows, where one has a near complete circular vantage point of the entire living space. She’s the queen of her castle. She’s incredibly intuitive and nurturing. She exudes High Priestess and Empress energies. These two have very different personalities and end up balancing each other astoundingly well. They are two sides of the same coin and couldn’t be separated. These dogs are vocal, clever, loyal and insanely loving. Frankly, to me they display a greater level of awareness than some humans I know. They’re too smart for their own goods and too cute for words. I say this a lot but that’s because I mean it; they take care of me as much as I take care of them, if not more. I couldn’t imagine going through life without them, especially life as it is right now. Thank goodness Rio has halted is attempts at exploring the area on his own accord. He could care less about being reprimanded, it was always worth it to risk it all and vagabond around the block until myself, V. , my neighbors or some stranger intercepted him. Hopefully this doesn’t jinx it but they’ve been awesome lately - still the coolest dogs I’ve ever met. They’ve enjoyed tasty rewards for their top tier behavior and have been keeping each other in shape. Rio is becoming more and more grounded as he ages. He’s a wild card when he plays but when he chills, he chills hard. Maya is an old soul who can turn it on and off. When she lets loose she detonates but, generally speaking, she is a mellow lap dog who lives for cuddles and adores laying in the sun. Talk about a soft life… She might have invented it.

You know that feeling of having your stomach tear up as you say goodbye to someone you deeply care for, with the acceptance that it may very well turn out to be the last time you ever get the opportunity to interact in person? Yeah, that feeling… Saying goodbye without knowing when and if our paths will cross again. Life is so precious and unpredictable. We are suspended in transient states, moods, dispositions and circumstances for as long as we breathe - AKA everything is temporary and that’s the only constance. As you may be familiar with, attachment is another word for spiritual bondage or enslavement - if you will, in the spiritual community. As far as I’m concerned, I feel as though the minute I consciously vowed to practice and master detachment, the universe immediately responded  by lining things up in a way that has put a number of people on my path only for relatively short periods of time. I speak of people that I would come to think of as having made a difference in my life, for relatively brief periods of time. It’s good training though. It builds up spiritual stamina. If the relationship enhances your life, you’ve got to show appreciation for it while you have it, knowing that things could shift at any moment. If the relationship feels like a burden, it’s best to detach from it and let go of the need to manifest a different context or outcome unless efforts are invested on both sides to make that happen. Either way, these brief encounters all have their purpose. You’ve got to honor it, “take the best and leave the rest” is what they say - I couldn’t agree more. It was fantastic while it lasted. 

V. left town this morning for Burning man and will not be coming back. Sharing space with him has been wonderful. He’ll always have a home in my dwelling place, whether in Los Angeles or abroad. I had to stay up late last night to pimp his bike because, the way my ADHD is set up, I evidently procrastinated until the very last minute, handling other things and working on my customization project “in my head” as opposed to doing it irl. At the end of the day, as in the natural world, things may take time but all is accomplished. Plus in scenarios when time is running out, the added pressure tends to give an edge to whatever it is I’m working on while simultaneously consuming me with some level of anxiety. It compels me to think quickly, lean on my resourcefulness, in addition to relying on instinct and extreme focus to guide me fast enough trough the creative process. The bike turned out pretty dope. Lots of pink, but that’s about all I had on hand. Someone I used to know kindly gave me a couple of canned spray paint to experiment with back when I was struggling with immense grief and I’m so grateful that he did. I doubt any of this would have come to pass otherwise as it was all very last minute. I had a peach color x1 and some bubblegum pink x2. The shades were reminiscent of the creamsicle background characterizing my portraits. I didn’t have enough of it so rather than spraying the whole thing I ended up using paint tape, tarp, and makeshifts tools to add geometric shapes and symbols all over my canvas on wheels. The radiant soul who gifted me the paint pushed me to grab more of them. Upon realizing that the can of peach was nearly empty when I started using it, I thought to myself: “dang, I wish I had grabbed one extra color.” A pastel shade of icy blue, perhaps. The fact that I had mostly pink to work with forced me to take a route I wouldn’t have been on if I had the time and resources required to execute things my way. In hindsight, it worked itself out just fine. The spray paint had a priming effect for acrylic paint to adhere to it. I added details by hands and stuck to a palette of 6 shades. I didn’t waste an awful lot of time trying to draw every line perfectly as if AI did the work. It used to trigger major anxiety for me but I find that the more I practice divorcing myself from expectations, focusing instead on the benefit and purpose of my doing, magical things start to happen and all seem to fall into place organically. Performing an act of creation is in itself the art. What I make doesn’t always matter. At times, what drives me to make it is what captivates me the most. It’s a proper balance between planning on how best to approach the task at hand and winging it. To be skillful at free styling / improvisation comes with preparation and I’m working to build that muscle so that I am pre-wired to create in any given environment. V. was digging the end result. So did I. Plus he braided his locs with multicolor ribbons and synthetic hair strands therefore I believe he makes an ideal candidate for riding this bike around the whimsical town of Burning Man! As long as he’s happy with it, I’m happy as well. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed being his sounding board for the past couple of weeks as he planned his expedition to the great north. He’s kissing goodbye to the United States with a loud bang, pulling up to Black Rock city on his way to his final destination. 

V. is headed back to Canada where the immigration apparatus is largely more welcoming of foreigners and drastically simplified. He first attempted to extend his stay here in Southern California but the Universe laid things out differently for him. With time, it made sense to move on to a new chapter as opposed to resisting change. V. lived in Canada prior to settling in the US during the pandemic. He previously had the chance to develop a very strong connection with the country and its people therefore it wasn’t at all an unpleasant alternative to fall back on. As we moved from week to week and options took on a different face, he gracefully embraced the opportunity to make Canada is forever home and began reframing his mind to seek out paths that would allow him to pivot as best as he could while his life took on a new trajectory. Forever may not be the correct term here; V. is always on the move or preparing for one. From what I’ve heard lately though, he’s starting to feel the urge to settle down for a while and his old country of adoption appears to be a place where he could see himself long term. Here goes a taoist saying I incessantly go back to for it applies, as he started walking on the path, the path revealed itself. I admire calculated risk takers who are open to taking a leap of faith at any turn, trusting in the process and in their ability to push through as they strive to self actualize. I’m truly happy for my buddy. I think he made the right call and has brilliantly managed his transition so far; he’s been handling his move like a pro.

Sharing space with V. has been a truly awesome and uplifting experience. His departure has pried open this good old abandonment wound buried deep inside my inner child. When her sense of safety and stability feels under attack, that wound gets sore and it is the case here. V. and I had found our flow and got on impeccably well as housemates. Both of us are ambiverts who require a proper amount of alone time in order to feel like ourselves and give our best to the world. We enjoy being stimulated but too much socializing will instinctively be resented as detrimental to our optimal conditions. It seems our needs for individual space and for decent company were both met in this dynamic, without much left on the table; time spent interacting with each other never felt wasted. It was typically just right and the lines of communication were always open. We shared meals together, split our groceries and hooked each other up with food, tools and information. We gave each other honest and thoughtful advice, shared stories and learned a lot from each other’s cultural background. We physically stepped in to help one another and make each other’s life easier. We connected on an intellectual and spiritual level, breaking down future goals, mappings things out, discussing ideas in great details and identifying what steps to take to manifest them in the physical world. He was awesome with the dogs and that’s worthy to mention. He would watch them if necessary, ensuring they had kibbles and water in their bowls in case I wasn’t around to replenish their food supply. He acknowledged them, talked to them, played with them, handed them treats, disciplined them and cuddled with them. He volunteered to help me with shuttling them to the dog park or taking them on hikes to break their routine and let them run wild. Him and Ri were tight. It was lovely to witness. They would kick it on the patio while V. enjoyed his daily evening hookah and stock trading pattern’s debriefing ritual under the string lights. Little dude grew pretty attached to his new homeboy and would rebel if I didn’t let him join when V was outside… Poor thing has no clue his friend his gone and on his way to building a new life. It’s the little things that make a world of a difference. It’s smoking medicinal at the end of the day, stepping out in nature to get some fresh air, revisiting childhood memories, hyping each other up and checking on each other to verify that all is well. It’s finishing each other’s laundry, fixing each other a plate of food, picking up after one another, introducing each other to new friends, ordering for the both of us and helping each other decide on which to buy, where to go, what do do, what to wear, etc. Most importantly, it’s valuing each other’s opinion, being receptive to learning something entirely new to what we’ve known before, immediately resolving misunderstandings with the will to better understand our interlocutor’s perspective and trusting each other with valuables or sensitive tasks. Our bedroom doors were rarely shut whether or not we were in it. I was likely the first to notice when he came home with a sprained ankle after a surf lesson. When he’d sense that I was stressed but had ran out of my highly favored smokable stress relief, he’d leave me a nugget of weed or would cook something I love with the intent of sharing it. If I cancelled plans to step out into town at the last minute, due to exhaustion or the urge to journal or make art instead, he’d never take that personally. On the contrary, he’d often get ready, roll me one as he grounded, rolled and packed his nighttime supply and text me after he had got in his car and left to notify that there was something waiting for me on the coffee table. We looked out for each other. When my account was in the negative and I couldn’t afford dog food, he was there to help me get by. He treated the house as his own and took it upon himself to purchase top soil, fertilizer and seeds in an effort to make our dream of a green grassy front lawn a reality. He watered them for two weeks determined to actively support their growth. While awaiting my next sale and being pressed for cash to cover the bills, he loaned me some or kindly covered for me until I I was in the clear. There was no convincing, no questions asked, no pressure on his end. He was confident I would pay him back and was helping because he could and because he wanted to and could.  Early this summer, he assisted a NYC trading conference and lost his wallet containing his ID moments before his flight. I expedited his passport to him so he could swiftly return home and minimize the added cost of being stuck on a trip for additional days, not only to our finances, but also our energetic balance. It rings true for someone likes V. who is a fine example of the freedom that comes with maintaining a strict routine in order to perform well and live life on his own terms. He regularly suggested that I borrow his car to get my errands done if I needed to but would end up taking me instead. Although I’d decline more often than not, he’d consistently invite me to dj sets, art shows, mini road trips, random drives, yoga classes, hikes and the likes in case I might have been up for it. V. was family to me. He helped me with my haircut a couple of weeks ago and would gladly assist with trimming the excess in the back if I couldn’t finish the job on my own. Whenever he wanted to chop it up he’d say, “come on Jih, let’s smoke one and talk. I want to brainstorm and I’d reply “Word. Meet you in a sec.” His presence here brought me comfort, laughter and harmony. He’ll have a home wherever I dwell, whether in LA or abroad. He’ll be sorely missed. 

My dear friend V. turned out to be exactly the kind of spirit I needed to be around in this season of my life. Good lord… Since when have I become so emotional? Man… If I wasn’t keeping it together like a G I could easily cry right now. I knew it would be bittersweet but I honestly didn’t expect to be this affected by his absence. I’ve been feeling it in my guts for the past two days, letting it wash over me. As I prepare for what’s next, I am submerged by a wave of dread for what’s ahead. I’ll admit it, I’m not all that thrilled for change. This past year has been an intense readjustment period, delivering incessant calls to adapt to new situations. Had I already found someone long term whom I felt aligned with and was stoked to open up my space to, it would be a different scenario. For now, I have no idea what things are going to look like just yet. My creeping anxiety is definitely rooted in the fear of this living arrangement not being followed up with something which will work as effortlessly as this did. My home is my sanctuary. Sharing my physical and energetic space with like minded individuals whose energies I deeply cherish means so much to me these days. V. and I vibed well. My hope is to find a replacement who is as laidback, straightforward, open minded, free handed, dependable, considerate yet headstrong as V. is and, if I’m lucky, an individual as insightful and interesting too! Whenever I tell myself that I might be asking for a lot, I am reminded of the number of times I doubted that things could turn out as nicely as I imagined them to be and was pleasantly surprised with a far better outcome than anything I could have hoped for. 

Recent tests have been all about patience, surrender, faith and steadfastness. It’s been about expecting the best and divorcing myself from any outcome or result. It’s been about trusting the process and allowing things to germinate on their own timing once the seed has been planted. Sometimes there are perceived delays which can be very uncomfortable, very unsettling, due to the uncertainty that permeates the wait. I  insert the world perceived a lot when describing a challenge because it posits that we lack the omnipotence of seeing the bigger picture in its full form. What is regarded as a delay is simply experienced as such from the perspective that we hold as transient beings bound to practicality and tangible three dimensional responsibilities. I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as too early or too late. I say this over and over again; everything unfolds exactly as it should and all good things must come to an end. Each one of us follows suit according to our own timing and whatever we most need to experience in order to progress on our evolutionary journey. I expected this to come to an end. I mean, it’s not like V. and I were going to be housemates for the rest of our lives. I expected this and knew it was coming, just not so soon… V. was originally not meant to live until November and was intending to return to LA after a 3 months break in Canada and India where is family resides. Permanently relocating to the Canada where the immigration framework is easier to navigate was what needed to happen for him based on what he was looking to do. I was glad that he was at peace with his decision and was able to plan his itinerary so well. As we plant roots of ourselves in the friendships that we nurture, we may experience a friend who leaves as a loss of a part of our own identity. In today’s world where long-distance moves are more functionally common, we find our social networks spreading across the country, or even the throughout the globe. With our current fast-paced culture of infinite choices, we may find ourselves leaving behind people, as well as being left behind ourselves. It is what it is though; people come and go. 

Reflecting on the fleeting essence of life is gives rise to useful point of views. We can not personalize it too much when loved ones drift away. Their life choices simply echo their goals, wants, needs, dreams, hopes, and so on. Change is hard but also liberating and quite literally inevitable.  Feeling sadness in response to change or missing someone is normal and I’m feeling very nostalgic today. That said, I’m excited to receive visuals of V. riding that bike around Burning man and having the time of his life out in the desert. I’ll be living vicariously through him until I finally get a chance to attend Burning Man. I feel that 2023 will be the year I make it happen. We shall see! V. left a handful of lovely household items and home decor here that will remind me of his presence. I’ve made it clear that he has a home here and wouldn’t be surprise if he popped up again after the New Year for a brief visit to the land of gorgeous women, weed and weather. He’s a big fan of the state of California! I’ve been sitting here with my feelings and calling in more positive and genuinely caring energies into my existence. 

Mmmm, legendary sambar and basmati rice for dinner! Cheers to my mate who’s now gone. I’ve got the blues, but even that he anticipated and left me a taste of joy and relief in the form of a meal he knew meant so much to me. It’s been a true blessing having V. here for six months. He made my life better in so many ways. Currently smoking the last joint he rolled. I bet Rio sends hugs. We will all miss V… Dang, I’m going through it right now. It’s like, I observe myself consciously muting my emotions but the moments my mind reminisces of what no longer is, my heart gets pinched and I’m immediately prompted to mute them again by redirecting my attention somewhere else. It’s not working too well, of course. I’ve tried dismissing these familiar feelings of grief and loss for the past two days but they have persisted in coming back magnified. I know that this isn’t just about V. leaving somewhat abruptly. This is about what the relationship represents and the place it holds in my beaten heart. V. was like a brother to me. He offered perspective. He cheered me up. He poured into me… It’s happening. My eyes are watering. I’ve said enough. I’m heartbroken once more. Farewell buddy!

Update: 

I felt a rush of emotions flowing through me and had a silent cry for a short while. I then washed my face, sat on the living room sofa and rolled another joint. I watched the above videos and I swear it was the cure to my blues. The right messages came through at the most opportune time and the wisdom found in each one of them set me straight. These links are part of  As a early dinner I plated a strange combo comprised of garlic and herb couscous, glazed melt-in-your mouth Australian lamb chop courtesy of B., topped with some paneer in curry sauce left being by V. Lord have mercy. That thang was a banger! The various elements paired well with one another and their layering caused for a burst of incredible flavors. After rolling a joint and sipping on a glass of red, I gravitated back towards the refrigerator for another round. This time I enjoyed some sambar for dinner with heaps of basmati rice followed by a chocolate and cherry cake brought home by B. which was the great revelation of the night. I would have never ordered it if it was up to me but it has got be some of the best stuff I’ve tasted lately - stupid good. How could Complain about anything at all? I am so fortunate and blessed. 

#ThankYouMorePlease #MyFriendVin #OnlyLove #Farewell

Brb - going to get customize a bike for my boy V. !!!

#Pumped